I tried to conquer the beasts that ruled my heart, no matter how hard I tried they kept showing up. I came back to you when I failed, miserable me. Fallen back into the same temptations, the same old me.
I thought when the spirit burned within me that I wouldn't have to look at the person I used to be. Five steps forward and one leap back into the brokenness of what I worked so hard to rid of me. My heart so blind could only see what I thought of me and not the vast love you have for me.
I made a promise, like a vow that I would change someway, somehow but there were still times I could never compromise what I wanted for what you had in mind. I was passing by the vision you had for me and could feel the guilt grow in me.
Until I discovered I had it all wrong, the one leap back, the guilt, the temptation you knew it all and loved me still. I thought I was far from you, far from all I could be but I made you too small. I belittled your love and locked it in a box until I got things right.
What a lie I believed for so long that put boundaries on your love for me. No matter our sorrow, our shame, our brokenness, our pain you were not meant to be locked away until we get it right, you were meant to be in our hearts at all times. To be the love that we can't be, to be the truth when we can't find the way, to be the one that knows the good, the bad, and the in between.
