Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Fickle Freddy

The dating scene these days is becoming more dismal and the pickings are slim. What looks good on paper is often not what it seems anymore, people are becoming more self indulged then wanting to settle down. You don't want to meet a guy at the bar or club scene however the guy you met last week at the singles event at church is giving every devoted Christian man a bad name.  My oh my what are we going to do with these men? Not only does there seem to be fewer options but there is more pressure to be "perfect", and when I refer to perfect it's all about how hot we are to be a catch these days.  A little arm candy and we are all set, at least for a month until we find ourselves back at the single events because prince charming turned out to be fickle freddy. Do I sound a little cynical here? Ha! That is not my intention but a lead into what we don't want to lose sight of as beautiful woman crafted uniquely by a God that knew what he was doing. 

As a girl who has finally found the love I've been waiting for it wasn't long ago that I was impatiently waiting for my own piece of heaven on earth. I wanted to meet someone but I was going insane with the what  the options were or shall I say lack thereof. I was going crazy until I realized that I was making waaaay to much of my singleness about men. My heart was being broken and I wasn't even in a relationship! My heart was breaking because it felt that I would never measure up to being fickle Freddy's dream girl. My lens became so skewed I was measuring my own worth on what a fallible man thought of me instead of what the eternal God created me to be. As my heart became heavier with my own self-inflicted expectations of how to be the perfect girl for the perfect guy I realized that I needed to change my views.  Like every other woman I see the gorgeous woman plastered on magazines in the grocery isle checkout line, I see the sultry ads, the Housewives of Beverly Hills, the "arm candy" of this generation. But if we really dig into those people's lives I'm sure we would come up with something that looks a lot like us. We would find a whole host of insecurities and pains trying to be covered up by airbrushed perfection. That is why  what is skin deep doesn't impress me anymore, what impresses me is the humbled heart of a woman fighting for her marriage or like myself a single mom raising a strong willed child. As my perspective on beauty changed I began to find peace that when the right man came along he would be taken by these same qualities I adore, the strength that woman have to be courageous and have dignity in a world "gone wild". 

Something valuable that I figured out is that I'm responsible for the condition of my heart and what I have to offer someone. I am responsible for becoming who I need to be and working towards that. For so long I thought I was unworthy of love because of a past relationship, but when I took charge of my life and sought out guidance I discovered that I was believing a bunch of lies and reminded of the truth. When we finally meet our prince charming we don't want to offer them a handful of our own  insecurities, we want to be able to offer warmth, trust, faithfulness and joy. Singleness gives us the chance to become those things, or restore those things and to recognize when someone else is offering them to us. When we wait sometimes we become restless and our eyes are only set on what we had hoped that would happen already. That is what happened to me, things had not gone as planned and I was disappointed all too often by the men I was meeting at church or out on the town. I was impatiently waiting for the next chance to meet someone and trying to achieve perfection of the most shallow attributes. 

Not until I remembered that I was a woman of God and that I have a spirit for the Lord is it that waiting changed to becoming. I didn't want to sulk around another night wishing I had met "the one" or stew in a big ol' pot of jealousy because others were in love. I wanted to become a rocking chick because that is what God designed me for, not to take a backseat in life until I said I do. Some of us struggle with that feeling of being incomplete without "the one" (insert ME here) but seriously there is so much cool stuff to do in the meantime of finding love like pouring out my heart in a blog for example:). In a place that has high standards of superficial proportions embracing our flaws and finding confidence in them is not an easy feat yet once we love who we are as we were created we will discover what we have to offer far exceeds the time of day we will give any fickle Freddy's. In a place that screams….why are YOU single, or have YOU been on any dates lately we need to put on the brakes, breath, and be okay with where we are at and set our sights on being a strong, courageous woman who knows that something special takes time and is worth the process of becoming in the meantime. 

Love from one rocking sister to another
Nicole Renee

Friday, August 17, 2012

On Being a Mom

About six years ago I found myself a single momma and no idea what that would mean for me although I thought I did. I thought I could handle it no problem, I wanted to be a strong and fierce momma. The kind that had lunches packed the night before school, the kind that is organized with all those fancy organizers and compartments, the kind that has my kid perfectly dressed and early to the bus stop. The kind that is able to sign my child up for every possible class to give him every opportunity possible to be all he can be. It all looked really nice in my mind but the reality was a rude awakening.

My days were filled with racing to the bus stop, scrambling into the pantry to find another snack for the lunch box. Days of doing homework assignments past bedtime, buy yet another pair of jeans because my rough and tumble child got another hole in them, and for the classes we can only afford and find time for one every season. Not to mention I realized all the different parenting styles there were and how so many people raise their kids different. Which way is right which way is wrong it became a battle to know what is truly the best way or if there is a such a thing.

On top of wanting to be "super" momma I also wanted to make a difference in this world. I didn't  want to be just another 8-5 cubicle worker scraping by to make it. I wanted to be SOMEONE, I wanted to make some kind of difference. So on top of wondering how I could be a better mom I was also searching to fill this void that ached within me to be a part of something outside myself that could change the lives of others.

I don't know what it is but there is something in  me that always feels like its missing out or lagging behind. Not just single moms but all moms have to make sacrifices, we give up some dreams that we envisioned long ago when we became parents. The big factor really comes down to time and resources, there just never seems to be enough of either. Another day was passing by  and I began to feel a gape of frustration growing in my soul. I felt that I was doing nothing to build the kingdom, I felt that as if I was chasing my tail every day. Same rushing to the bus, same job, same old me.

One day while making my usual route to work I looked in the review mirror and  was reminded of my son who sits behind me in the car, except I had already dropped him off at the bus that morning. I was reminded of that blonde head surfer dude that has a passion for sea creatures, drawing dinosaurs, and a knack for absorbing everything and tucking it into his steel trap for future conversations and retorts. One day he will no longer be in the backseat being chaperoned to school, one day he will be self-sufficient and following his dreams. All the rushed blur of days that pass me by now that seem mundane will eventually lead to something much greater. It was in that moment that parenthood took on a new life for me.

Parenthood was no longer parenthood but instead became a ministry. I wondered if I was crazy to not have thought of parenthood in this way before, but as a single mom hoping to get things right I often felt more burdened with the tasks of getting things done rather than feeling free that I'm part of a important calling or mission. The most important mission I will ever have, is right under my roof. In my very presence each day is the opportunity to be present in the life of someone who looks to me as a compass in life. This mom thing really matters, and it doesn’t mean that I will always get it right, but it means always trying. It doesn't mean being perfect but being refined. It doesn't mean signing up my son for a million classes but being present in his day to day life. It's been refreshing to remember that I'm making a difference in my own child's life and the mission of motherhood will someday be the reflection of who my child becomes and how he treats others.

So if your exhausted from trying to be super mom don't worry your not alone. And if your chasing dreams and trying to be a mom, don't worry your not alone. Be encouraged that what you are doing in the mundane is really something  beautiful unfolding. Being a mom is the toughest mission but the one that is most worth it. I'm discovering that there are books and books of how to be a good mom/parent, there are people all over with different techniques and ideas on how to raise kids right. Knowledge is good but love covers all, so when you are on the brink of wondering if your doing anything right remember that as long as your always trying you are on the right track.


Friday, August 10, 2012


Lately I've been thinking a lot about potential…am I all I could be?

As I witness others lives I'm in awe by who they are and wonder how they came to be so amazing.

I think of woman like Beth Moore, Francine Rivers, Gabby Douglas, Helen Keller, Anne Frank, Esther, Ruth, Mother Theresa just to name a few....

I believe that God gave us each at least one thing if not more that makes our heart race with passion

That one thing makes us ponder…..is this what I am called to do or be?

Its going to take BOLDNESS and COURAGE to acheive our potential

There will be times we want to dance on the rooftops and tell the world what we are going to accomplish and other times we will be filled with self-doubt

There will be times that people around us that we love can't see what we see and find that one thing, that burning passion to be unrealistic or a phase of fairytale dreams.

But if its good, pure, lovely, and  true I can tell you it’s a grander plan that only needs the willingness of you

You that unique person and soul, YOU that person that has a story to be told, YOU that person that has potential for the world to know

Potential means we have what it takes, we have the gifts, we have the tools

But we will never see the fruit of all that we can be if we don't work hard to achieve it

So don't bend and don't break

Keep moving forward with your head held high towards what makes your heart beat

Don't let your heart be dismayed  by the distractions of what others have, be inspired by the talents that reside in you
Remember there is nothing that can't be done that has already been started in you.

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.-Phillipians 1:6

Nicole Renee XOXOXOXO

Go for it! Dance on the rooftops and shout out your dreams and make them come true!