Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Boldness and Freedom

The truth can be hard to accept alot of times, oddly enough when its good we often find its too good to be true. That is my experience with Jesus, he is perfect, unexplainable, if he was not perfect than the truth would lose its power, its majesty. In a place where most things are not what they seem and there always seems to be that fine print it causes us to fear being vulnerable. My friend and I are taking scripture from the bible and inwardly mediating upon the fine print written on our hearts. We are intentionally pulling out the deception we have grown accustomed to and we are learning to unharden our hearts to become like clay so we can mold our beliefs towards the promises that Jesus is truth and his word is alive.

The first verse I'm exploring is "I can approach the throne of God with boldness and freedom"
Ephesians 3:12

To me that means I can come as I am with questions, struggles, a heavy heart, frustrations, and I can tell him my desires, wants, and  needs. To me it means I can tell God all these things and find that I'm accepted, I'm loved, I'm wanted, I'm needed. There is nothing more freeing than being loved beyond rules and regulations, there is nothing more freeing than knowing Christ has given me a passion for life, for wanting more, for hoping, for dreaming and the perfection of Jesus lives in me. There is no limit or boundary on what God can do or who I become through him. That is bold and that is freeing and there is no fine print or exceptions on the love God has for a willing heart!

I don't want my own experiences that turned out to be too good to be true to diminish or blind my spirit to the fact that holiness and lovliness are still alive.  The truth no one can taint or destroy is the very heart and spirit of Jesus. Approach the throne of God with boldness and freedom with  your struggle, desire, and hope. Pray for a life renewed by the truth that Jesus gives and the life the word breaths.

Monday, February 25, 2013


Enough Said.


At the Alter

I wait for the answer to be so clear. I wait to know his will for my life. I say the same prayer over and over as I live life going through the motions. I expect a neon sign to present itself and make my path clear, yet I find myself frustrated because I'm left in the dark. There is silence for minutes, days, even years and I find myself stuck in a rut.

Have you ever waited for God to change your life but it remained the same? Have you been sitting in a heartbreak for years waiting for healing? Have you lost the hope that your life could ever change? Me too, that is me. The girl who writes of Gods love and believes she knows it only to be disappointed and dissatisfied through the seasons of life.

I walk through life with my hands clenched tightly shut. I only give away what is comfortable but I hold onto what I think I can't live without. It could be a relationship, it could be my fear, it could be my vanity, it could be my pride. Yet with my hands clasped and my arms crossed I'm on defense, there is no room for love to grow. There is no place to become who I need to be when I shelter those strongholds that have become deeply intertwined to my being.

How come it is that I'm so afraid to believe God has something amazing for me and all he is waiting for is my surrender. I sit here and wait for God to do a miraculous work in my life yet I don't even give him the instrument to work with. I forget that I'm the instrument, that I need fine tuning but I can't be tuned if he is not allowed to work on me completely.

So over the past few days I've decided to let go, I've decided to get uncomfortable, I'm terrified of the unknown but even more I'm terrified to feel the hurt of letting go because I'm comfortable with my strongholds. Yet to fully experience God's goodness I have to sacrifice my will for his will. I have to surrender my wants on the alter like Abraham did with his son Isaac. I have to surrender knowing that Abraham's story is a testament of God's faithfulness. I've never abandoned all I wanted for God because I want to know what to expect, I'm so afraid to be let down. I remember that Abraham walked up towards the alter to sacrifice his son not knowing a ram was on the other side. A ram that would turn out to be a blessing for the obedience of Abraham that was literally life saving.

I want God to show up in my life, I want him to change my life. I want him to take all the brokenness and all the fear and cultivate it into something greater than I can see. Here I am at the alter Lord,opening my hands.

I'm yours.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Quality Time

As a single mom I try to pack everything in until capacity is full. Often times I miss something or can’t find things because I’m always frantically moving from one thing to the next. Lately my son has been more stubborn, cranky,  and frustrated than usual. He is constantly testing me and pushing the limits.  Often times I have been too tired to argue with him so it’s either time out or just let him get away with what he wants to do.  The same cycle has been playing itself out for weeks now because work is busy, school is busy, and life is just busy. So I let things slide that shouldn’t and we just flow through each day just getting by. As my constant busy schedule built up  my patience level went down as well as my sons. I started to let those important moments pass by and a gaping hole was developing  because we didn’t have those moments where we would just hang-- play games,  chase each other down in a game of tag or soar on the swings high as the tree tops.  I have been letting those important moments pass by with the frenzy of life and doing what I need to do.

It became apparent to me the other day when my son was irritable as usual and I was at the end of my rope. I was tempted to put him in time out for an hour but instead I reached down in the bucket of toys in the garage and found bubbles. Bubbles meant for a spring or summer day were now my distraction on a cool winter afternoon. Together we started blowing bubbles into the air, making bubble tornadoes flying up to the sky, counting how many bubbles were attaching themselves  to other bubbles. Both our frustrations drifted away as we laughed, took pictures and simply enjoyed quality time together. That is when I realized all the tantrums, the testing, the irritability was my sons longing to spend time with me- just hanging. There didn’t have to be an elaborate plan, we didn’t have to spend a bunch of money or buy a new toy. He just wanted time with me, and that is when sadness swept over me that I had let business get in the way of the most important thing of all- showing my son that time with him is better than anything else on the planet.  So the rest of the day we flew planes, played tag, soared on swings and spent some much needed time living in the moment instead of going through the motions….and I highly recommend it!

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Drum Roll Please

Ta Da! I'm pleased to present my new blog design by the ever talented Aubrey! I've been putting off doing something with my blog for over a year. I've been afraid to invest the time and money but I realized how much joy this blog brings me and how this little space is mine to vent, praise, be vulnerable and transparent. I let fear get in the way of all I can be too much, sometimes it just takes a little baby step, a leap of faith to discover that doing something different or out of your comfort zone is not as scary as it looks and its much more fun than sitting on the sidelines.

 Check out Aubrey's other designs, she is amazing!

Monday, February 4, 2013

Under Construction

Hello world!

My site is going to be under construction for the next couple of weeks:). I'm excited for a fresh new look and to finally get some projects started that I've been too busy making excuses for and putting off far too long. I'm excited for a new journey on my blog!

Be back soon!

Nicole Renee

Friday, February 1, 2013

Moving Forward

Putting one foot in front of the other
I’m starting again
Picked myself up from the ground
Set my mind on the truth
The heart so lovely leads astray
Holding onto promises you laid out for me
Goodbye tapes on re-run
Playing the same scene until I’m crazy
I’ve cut the tape and run free towards living
There is a destiny realized today as I breathe new life
Those things I let rule me can’t rob me anymore
I’m free to choose no strings attached
Take my hand let’s stop looking back