Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Finding Rest From Worry

Your anxious, your exhausted, your depressed, your weary, your weak. Unfortunately I’ve felt those ways many a times in my life due to having high anxiety- ever since I was young I have worried. There are times when I have my worried mind mastered and tamed but then there are times that my mind takes over and the days are harder and longer. I hate that feeling where you just wish the day would be over so you can go to bed. It seems like such a waste of a day to chuck it up to wanting to be non-existent for a while.  There are times I even get frustrated with God because I know he can heal me from worry but yet it remains. But the truth is over the years through the trials I have faced with all the stages of my fears, anxieties, and panic attacks the only place I could find rest was with Jesus.  

The only place where I could find solace in my tears was crying out to my Savior. I have learned I won’t know the why’s to my worries but I do know how to keep pushing through them and perhaps even overcome them in time. I hold onto the promises of Jesus that when I draw near to him he will draw near to me, what I sow in tears I will reap in joy, when I call out to God for help he will come and save me, if we are in need of rest he will provide it. Jesus is the safe place that we all can call home where perfect love drives out fear. He has gotten me through every dark valley to see the mountaintop again, there were seasons I experienced the most desperate droughts but I didn’t come out of them without becoming better and learning more about God’s love.

 God has our very best interests in mind. The comforting thing is that he knows every detail of our worry and every why to our worry. I may not understand but I do know that God has good for me and if I rest in the truth he has good for me than I can entrust my worries to him. I can even push through the hard days and give thanks on the days I want to wish away. He is showing me that even in the valleys he is good, he is perfect, he is complete and I am made whole knowing this truth. I am made capable knowing this truth. I am made strong knowing this truth. I am made new knowing this truth.

If you worry like me and are tired of it, I encourage you to rest in his promises, be vulnerable in prayer, thank him for his presence, and trust that you are in his perfect and loving care.

 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
 1 John 4:18

Friday, March 21, 2014

I forgot to have fun

I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off thinking I would survive. I was cramming every nook and cranny of my life into some schedule. Everything was packed and I was constantly on the move and because of this my patience was slim. I didn’t have time to deal with Jman’s fussy behavior. Basically I would just snap at the drop of the hat and expect my son to be perfect. But over the past couple weeks I’ve done a little less running around, read a couple books, prayed a little more and I’ve realized that I have been living without intention. I’ve been living with expectation. I have this expectation that I need to have a jammed packed schedule to constantly be in motion. I have this expectation that my son is 8 and should not be whining still. I have this expectation that I have to talk to every single one of my friends to feel like I’m still in the loop. I have this expectation that I have to be doing something to mean something. Meanwhile, my joy is hanging on by a thin thread and I’m morphing into a less than ecstatic mom that is lacking adventure, smiles, and laughter.
Today I have been pondering this a lot and really can’t believe that I am willingly missing out on so much joy by living in by these silly expectations. I don’t want to miss embracing motherhood fully for what it is, a beautiful gift from God. He entrusted this not so little anymore child into my life to be intentional. Thinking on my childhood I remember the moments that mattered to me the most were the moments of adventure. The times I was out exploring and there was no rush. I remember the long bike rides in the park with my dad or how me and my parents used to drive through the windy roads to get a sweet treat at the end of a summer day. It was leisurely and so peaceful and I didn’t feel like we were constantly in motion running from one thing to the next. Not to say that never happens after all life does get busy and messy but as I remember those times I remember how at ease I felt about life. I have forgotten how to have fun, to live in the moment, and the importance of intention. But today is a new day filled to the brim with possibility and new adventures to begin and for the first time in a long time I can tell you- I can't wait!!!

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51:12




Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Love Covers

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

Something about this verse give me such peace and warmth. Probably because I know I will fall short, I know I will fail. Yet even amid my frailties and brokenness there is something that covers my sin. The most beautiful refuge I could ever ask for is the truth God offers that we can be held by daily. Love is more important than our brokenness! Did you hear that? Love is more important than our imperfections, the thing we can’t get right, that temptation that keeps getting us off track.

If we can receive the gift of grace from Jesus that is handed to us with open arms, if we can offer that same gift of grace to others than it covers all the dirt, grime, bitterness, darkness, shame, and weariness. In other words love shelters, protects, and shields us from hopelessness and defeat. And it’s when we receive the gift of grace and give this gift to others that we find a new life springs up within us and our love only grows deeper and deeper. I hope you find comfort in this verse today.