Wednesday, May 22, 2013


It was one of those events I was having mixed feelings about…the feeling of excitement mixed with dread. I was about to put myself back out into the world, away from my “safe” people, my rocks, my goto friends with whom I have established amazing relationships. Even though I had these rocks I needed something to get my adrenaline pumping again, I needed to tap into the sleeping giants resting too long in places of familiarity. The event was called “Spark”, I really had no idea what to expect nor if I would come equipped with what I needed. Despite my doubts off I went with Bible in hand, slouchy purse over shoulder, and my feet in case I needed to bolt. It’s not the first time that I have been to a new event with new people but it was the first time in a looong time and I felt like a new student walking into the dreaded lunch room not knowing if I would be welcomed with open arms or if I would quietly shuffle to a corner spot and claim my space as a loner as people stared me down. Okay, so maybe I’m being a little over dramatic but as a single mom that has become a hermit with a handful of handpicked friends I felt just a little naked.

As I learned more about Spark and more about the people in the group a hope restored in me as I realized Spark is just what I needed.  So you may be wondering what Spark is so I’m going to give you the bottom line. Its going from inaction to action to make an impact- even if it’s one baby step at a time. As I was listening to people tell their stories two things struck me. 1.) I’m not the only one with lofty, grandiose ideas 2.) I’m not the only one afraid of carrying them out. This was reassuring and rejuvenating to me as I love that God created us so alike yet so different. To the core of our beings we all want to have a purpose, we all want to mean something in this life yet we all have different ideas of what that looks like and how we can carry those things out which makes everything a God thing.

Before yesterday I was walking around with many ideas in my head but when getting down to the nitty gritty I didn’t want to carry them out because I was too afraid. I’ve been chilling at the shoreline, letting the ideas touch my toes and then walking away. They are put on the back-burner of my brain waiting for a better day. I’m telling myself I will be able when I’m more capable or when I  dissect my ideas a little more. I keep thinking the idea has to sink a little deeper until it can become reality. But spark really ignited a  fire beneath my buttocks to get me moving again. I don’t want to sit on my ideas, to do that would be like sitting on my hands pretending they are not there. I just need to be willing to move, to put my thoughts into action. So with the help of others who are bold enough to share not only their ideas but their baby steps to achieve those ideas I think I’m ready to use what has already been given to me- a God given desire and passion to not only dream up but carry out grandiose ideas for his Glory.

Monday, May 13, 2013


 For the longest time I have tried to fit into perfection, I wanted to be the woman who encompassed it all. I wanted to be that girl who never let anyone down and fit into the ideals of what a great friend, daughter, girlfriend, and mother looked like. But there is always a letdown, there is always disappointment, and there is always more we have to give because life is relentless in its pursuit to distract us, erode at us, and psssst us away from things about ourselves we need to embrace for a while.

Lately I'm figuring out the importance of allowing myself to grieve the wounded parts of myself that are calling for renewal. Instead of running back into the wilderness parched I need to sit for a while in the healing rain. Experiencing the fullness of grace means that God is enough, the daily duties can wait a while as I draw near to the only one that can see how much I want to get it right but when I don't its okay. Jesus paid the price so I wouldn't have to be perfect but that I could be restored and made new.

I will restore to you the years the locust have eaten Joel 2:25

This verse gives me such joy because God can truly see our brokenness, emptiness, the hard times, the way we want to fit in, the way we want to please everyone. While life remains demanding, Jesus says I will restore you.  We are meant to experience the grace of Jesus through our imperfections that is offered to us every day- take time to wash the wounds,weariness and distractions away and be restored.

Sunday, May 12, 2013


It’s been a long time since my keyboard has graced my fingers and I have missed it. I have officially moved into my very own house! While it has been exhilarating, exhausting, nerve wracking, and a relief I'm so glad I finally took a risk but now ready to get back to what I love which would be writing and dreaming with all my fellow blogger friends.

Speaking of dreams, I'm learning the importance of taking a single step towards them each day so I don't become stagnant and drained. After all, if I'm not taking even a mini step towards what makes my heart beat than I will become frustrated and melancholy. I will get wrinkles and gray hairs more abundantly because I will feel that life is just passing me by and I'm staying the same.

Growing up I would dream up all sorts of concoctions about what I would be or do with my life and to me my ideas were sooooo grand. Often times I would be elated with this new idea I dreamt up but when I took that brave step and announced it to those I loved there would be a list of reasons that literally dropped me off cloud nine and landed me smack back into reality.

There are some important things I have learned about dreams/hopes/desires.
  1. You have to have a back bone- cause alot of people will tell you why they are unrealistic or won't work out
  2. You have to be willing to invest- time is off the essence, if you want to make something grand come true you’re not going to get an "easy" button
  3. You have to be willing to risk- what are you willing to put on the back burner or sacrifice to work towards your dreams or are you willing to give it your all no matter what negative voices you hear
  4. As a  believer I ask myself is this dream self serving or will my dreams bring glory to Jesus?
  5. The opportunity is now- if you messed up yesterday, or if in the past you didn't finish something don't dwell on that fear of failure. Think of the time you took a small step, think of the time you worked hard at something and you saw the fruit. Dwell on the positive!
  6. Believe- Your never too old to start again, it’s never too late to dream up a new dream and go after it, we serve a God that dreams big- I mean just look around at the wonders.
  7. Unexpected- Sometimes dreams change along the way or turn out better than we dreamt up:)
I grew up scared of following through with dreams because I felt it was too much to handle once I figured out all the details. But as I have grown in my faith I have found that God opens doors for a willing heart that wants to glorify him. Yes there will be obstacles and days we just want to give up but seriously God gave us such passion and fire in our hearts to pursue things! He gave us fire and passion to do works, good works. There is a dreamer in all of us, we just need to hold onto the believer in all of us too.