Overcome or stay stuck?
The number one question I asked myself was am I going to have the will to overcome this or the will to stay stuck. Ultimately I decided to let my will be stronger will than my worry. Each day it’s a choice to let my worry rule me or to let my worry fade into a whisper and live my life. That can be really hard sometimes but it’s possible. When we worry we get stuck on a thought, idea, or situation and it causes heightened adrenaline and anxiety. It makes us so utterly aware of the one thing that we are so intently focused on that we dissect it and dissect it until we make it much bigger than it really needs to be. That is where my will being stronger than my worry comes in. It is hard, but we are made with the ability to change our thoughts because we control our brain, our brain does not control us. What I mean by that is we can retrain our brain to focus on things that bring us life and joy, not worry and fear. It takes extremely hard work, and that hard work means getting out of your comfort zone. Getting out your comfort zone may simply mean facing the day (which by the way is a great choice)! For me, OCD is mostly an internal struggle of what ifs. What if this or what if that? Which makes me feel completely frustrated and not productive. It takes a lot of energy to dissect things from every angle on a daily basis. Which brings me to something that I just cannot leave out of my post, because if you have followed me for any amount of time you would know that Jesus is an important part of my life. And there is no way that I would get out of my comfort zone if it was not for my faith. It’s crucial for me to trust that God is in control, and that I'm not in control. That God has good for those who believe. Without this hope I would still be stuck in a parking lot somewhere back in 2002. When worry surrounds me and fills up every spore of my brain, I have to back up and remember to trust. Thoughts are merely thoughts- when we add too much meaning to a thought it causes us to spiral out of control and into the worry pit. When my worry wants me to stop enjoying life, I remember that worry is like a bully that I will choose NOT to listen to, and it eventually becomes a whisper. For those of us that suffer with anxiety, it seems like something that we are destined to have forever. It seems to just be a part of us for life, this huge stronghold that holds us captive. But there is a way to break free, and that way is to choose to break free. It’s to choose to say "screw you, worry" and smile at all the good things that surround you. There is help if you seek it, there is knowledge if you read it, and there is opportunity to do so many wonderful things if you choose to have a will stronger than your worry.
Help is on the way
Which brings me to transparency. I talked about it briefly but cannot stress enough that we are not made to isolate ourselves in our worry bin. We are meant to worry together! (ha that is a joke!). But really there are so many people who suffer in silence that don't need to. Chances are that someone else is struggling and just wants someone else to speak up first. No joke, when I was in one of the most depressed seasons of my life I needed to talk to someone but I held it all in. But then I decided enough was enough and finally I opened up more about my anxiety (not to the girl I mentioned above that I wanted to slap) but I began to find out people that I have known for a long time or were merely acquaintances knew exactly what I was going through or had a loved one that went through it too. Not that I was happy other people battled anxiety or OCD but was nice to know that I was not alone. In fact, some of the strongest, smartest, sweetest people I know were the ones who suffered...including you ;). So trust and open up to people, if you don't get the love you were hoping for its just a hurdle to jump over but not a reason to keep isolating yourself. Remember have a stronger will than your worry!
Push through
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I could seriously go on for hours about this topic of anxiety. It’s a roller coaster, it’s a damn scary one at times and it’s also a gift at times. Why a gift? For me because it drew me into the best friendships a girl could ask for, because I grew closer to God and learned to lean on his word and promises (which I could go on and on about but we will save that for another time), when I wasn't worrying I appreciated all the beauty around me even more. I now see life as a precious gift not to be taken for granted. I choose to smile and be happy not because that is always the case but because why not? I want to spread light in the darkness because I know and see many other people who are stuck. It’s not how life has to be. The thing is I can't make choices for anyone else, just like others can't make choices for me. That is why we have to take charge with the help of God (which he will give if you ask), and have courage to fight for a stronger will than your worry. If you can do this it can change the way you view life and you will find a way enjoy it again if you choose it!
There is something about someone that suffers with anxiety. They view life in a more perceptive way. Things can be more profound and have such glorious meaning. It’s a beautiful thing when the person that suffers from anxiety chooses to take the perception off the worry part and puts the focus back on what is lovely. I think people that suffer with anxiety are remarkably smart and when their deep thinking is used positively it can change both their world and the life of others in a stunning way! Remember that my fellow sufferers there is so much beauty beyond the worry. That is what I strive to remember each day and I hope you will too. Please keep in mind this is what works for me and this is my experience, so I hope it finds you and inspires you in some way.