Thursday, December 6, 2012

Frumpy



Is this what my life has come to? Stewing inside I cling to the days of my younger 20’s but wake up to the reality I’m a newly clad 30 year old woman.  I have officially entered the stage of wearing mom jeans with a newfound craving for those soft, amazing, lovely things they call pajama pants. The days of rocking the old well worn holey jeans have passed like a warm breeze of youth that has gone too quickly. As I dance my booty off at Zumba trying to shake off little miss muffin top I survey the room of ladies, most have their hair curled and up in bouncy pony tails with bright colored workout attire. As I look at my awkward self doing gangum style in the mirror I find myself cringing at my faded purple tank top and black spandex pants. I wonder what happened to me and when it was that I lost the vibrancy I once had. I look back on the past few years to find many places where I could have lost myself along with energy, time, and motivation. Somewhere between making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, the pressure to be super mom, and the unending days of working a 9-5  is where it started. Add in a few heartaches, a couple draining relationships and a dash of bills and we got it folks! I feel frumpy and my beauty seems to be buried behind all the pieces I’ve been putting together or trying to hold together for several years. I took Jalen to the indoor pool yesterday and as I was sitting poolside I felt exhausted, I wanted to close my eyes and somehow wake up on the beaches of Cabo San Lucas with a Margarita in hand with no worries to cross my mind except the amount of SPF I needed to apply as the warm salty air fills my lungs.



Yet this gnawing feeling wouldn’t leave me even if I went away on vacation for a year. It would be like a nice band aid to cover up the wounds that need some one on one attention. I want to feel beautiful again and wash away the frumpiness that has somehow taken residence in my soul and in my wardrobe. I want to embrace the beauty of being a woman and the ability to be a little bit sexy sometimes and be okay with it. I’ve come to figure out my lack of attention to my outer appearance has been a result of my inner appearance and the weariness of trying has become an excuse to push off my efforts to change for another day. I think I’m sometimes scared to have it together because that frumpy side of me is like a layer of shyness that keeps me from being exposed or being noticed.  But the thing is this frumpy season just is not working for me anymore, I need to take charge and push myself to become a girl I like looking at because there is only one me and there has got to be something wonderful about that. So as I slowly emerge from my cocoon of just getting by, I find some kind of excitement for rediscovering not only my inner beauty but my outer beauty and all the possibilities that lie ahead as I embrace the things that I have put on the back burner far too long.
Let Them Eat Cake

5 comments:

  1. I know exactly where you're coming from. Thirties can hit hard, but they don't have to! We just needed to remind ourselves that we matter and take that extra time to find ourselves again.
    Happy to see you're going to embark that journey!

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  2. I think you are adorable... not frumpy at all! Yay you! I am your newest follower and was hoping that you would follow me back!

    www.enjoyingtheepiphany.com

    xoxo-
    Sarah

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  3. hi, i following the "aloha affair" blog hop. i would love for you to visit my blog and follow if you like it.

    http://www.blackinkpaperie.blogspot.com

    thanks
    new follower bev

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  4. These thirties, they have been my favorite "ies" yet... hang in there you'll find your stride..

    The boys and I will be boarding a plane soon in search of holidays with loved ones and snow-- oh my goodness we may just freeze our little island toes off, but I wanted to stop by here first, to:

    Thank you for being a sweet part of last week's An Aloha Affair.
    And, to personally invite you to join us again today.

    Cheers,
    Nicole
    localsugarhawaii.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. time too hit the gym and the chapel.

    ReplyDelete