Entrusting

The past two years have been a whirlwind for me, working towards change and becoming whole. Most days were mundane and full of questions. Some days were holding back tears. Some days were filled with hope giving me the strength to keep becoming. But ultimately the getting through was me learning to rely on God in the unknown. I hope to find the courage to share more of my story on this blog but it wasn’t until recently that all the strife of becoming has made me more holy. When I say more holy I don’t mean it in a self-righteous way but I mean it in a raw, emptied, vulnerable way.

I’m finding I’m okay with the unknown of what the Lord has for me but thankful for the way he has changed me through the seemingly long drought I was going through. He didn’t answer all my prayers yet, and I don’t know if he will answer all my prayers but he is teaching me that if he doesn’t I will be okay. I’m learning to accept the things I cannot change not with sorrow and hopelessness but instead with gratitude that I don’t have to change things that are not his will.

Where there was once numbness in my heart I have found a new and alive purpose to encourage those around me. God has somehow taken my inwardness thinking and taught me that even though I don’t know his ways or where he is working behind the scenes in my life doesn’t mean I should wallow, beg, or give up. He teaches me to keep relying on him in the space between my heart and heaven because he is transforming me in each mundane season, unanswered pray, and long season that I entrust to him.

So now when things are not going great or my prayers seem to disappear into the air… I can ask myself am I entrusting my life to God in the droughts to not only be transformed by Christ but to give him the glory in all seasons?

Romans 5:3-5

 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop

endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.