Free Will

Have you ever loved someone so much that didn’t love you back or couldn’t reciprocate your depth of love? You tried all you could, you pulled out all the stops, it’s as if you didn’t care if you got rejected you still kept giving more and more of yourself unrequited. It’s the worse type of love, the type that lingers just a moment longer hoping for a different ending. It’s the kind of love that holds onto the bread crumbs, those little bitty moments when you see a sign that that person might have a change of heart, they may eventually love you the same way you love them.

Sometimes we manipulate situations so that person we love will see us as amazing or that they can’t live without us. We even try to look better, that new hairstyle will turn his head, perhaps if I lost 20 more pounds he would think I’m too hot to pass up. The reality is if that person did turn out to love you because of those things, what kind of love would that be? I have asked myself that a lot but today I had this profound thought that maybe you have already had but I think that is part of the reason we have free will. God is the almighty, powerful, king of kings, Lord of Lord, so if he wanted to make us love him he certainly could, yet he gives us the choice to choose.

The profound part is he desires from us what we yearn for from someone else. He desires to be pursued daily, he desires an authentic relationship. He doesn’t want to have to manipulate us to love him, he doesn’t want to have to lure us in by making life look perfect. He wants us to go to him in all seasons because we deeply need him and desire to be close to him not for any other reason except that we are in love with him. As I think about that I find my heart both filled with joy and sadness. Sadness because of all the times I put things before God who longs for me and wants good for me. Joy because I know what that love looks like, I know how to love someone with all my heart only this time it gets reciprocated by the one who knows every single hair on my head and adores me.  

This encourages me because I’ve fought for love before and came up empty, but its teaching me about what Jesus longs for from me. I’m thankful for free will because without it I wouldn’t know the value or beauty of Jesus and maybe that is the point after all.