Me as Blogger and Me as Mom

Me as Blogger

Ever since I was little I had a pen in hand, starry eyes, and the passion to put words to what was milling around in my mind. I was always introverted and  was one of those people that would explore every option before sharing my perspective. Being shy and introverted can translate into many different stereotypes; daydreamer, snobby, spacey or just plain weird. Yet being shy was the greatest character trait I could have had because as I sat back and observed I became very aware of others and compassionate towards their needs. This helped me develop into someone that I am proud of and I’m even grateful to have sometimes taken the back seat to those with charm spewing….you know who I’m talking about those confident, in charge, always have something to say, extroverts of the packJ.

In all seriousness I have a heart for those who have made mistakes and are in need of love and that is why I started this space called “Even the Sparrows”. Initially I began with this blog in God’s hands sharing what I’ve learned through my own trials but then slowly I got off track and it became more about who was reading and more pressure to stand out from the rest. I found myself competing with top knots, RED lipstick, the latest cowl scarf, awesome recipes, and beauty plastered everywhere with families dressed to the T and mom’s who seriously look like super models.  I was beginning to feel like a magazine at the local market. Should I be more like Allure, Woman’s Health, Modern Woman, or a fashion icon like Vogue. I was even having dreams about the who’s who of blogging and that is when I realized I was getting waaaay off track.

That is when I pinched myself and woke up, this is not a dream. I have a message I want to share that touches the hearts of the broken, lost, empty, and hopeless. I was that girl so many times and if I share my story than maybe one person, just one won’t have to feel alone in their own battle. There are parts of my story that I have yet to share that are hard to share but I know I will eventually when the time is right. There are struggles I have posted and then reverted into a draft because I have been afraid of putting myself out there for anyone to see. The things I want to write about are not easy, light, and fluffy. They are deep, sometimes dark, and just downright messy. But that is the life we all live, we all have our something that we are going through, that thing that we can’t get over, that hurt that never seems to heal. My heart has known so much sadness, regret, and aches but it has also known redemption, endless love, and glorious beauty. That is all of our story in some way and that is the message my soul wants to express in this blog. There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning, that is a lyric to a song that sometimes plays in my head that whispers to me that no one is too far gone to start again.

I love those fashion blogs, health blogs, and beautiful family blogs. I really adore them all and learn so many insightful things from so many different realms of this blogosphere. But my purpose started to get hazy and I started to doubt my own message with the giants of success reminding me of how small I am in this world. But that still small voice that leads my life reminded me that I have a passion to write for a reason and I didn’t experience trials to sit in the rubble. Because I believe in Jesus, I know I experienced trials to be a light to anyone who needs it, that could be one person or it could be more than I imagined. Yet by his grace I am his and by his grace I have the opportunity to share the truth and love he has given me and that is why I blog.

Me as MOM

I’m a single mom to an inquisitive, wonderful, handsome 7 year old boy that I call J-man better known as Jalen. We have had quite the journey together. I bought all the planning books, I got all the necessities I would need to raise this little guy but when he arrived and was placed in my arms I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders as I realized life would never look the same and nothing could plan me for what was ahead. I was one of those way overprotective moms who insisted others sterilize their hands before picking him up, and when he started riding one of those razor scooter things flying down hills and making sharp turns I was a flipping mess. Yet over time I have learned to let go a little more and trust God is in control. He is truly the light of my life, I can’t stay mad at him for more than a few minutes, and story time is my favorite time at the end of the day. He is extremely perceptive and loves the earth God created sea life, dinosaurs, birds and all. He makes me laugh all the time with his charming wit that we will have to keep in check when he starts dating! Oh dear goodness, I dread the day. Anyway you will see Jalen pop up more than a few times on my blog as he is my number 1 priority and keeps me young…..well most of the time!

XOXO

Nicole Renee