Loved

My very best friend growing up told me about God when I was about 10, I had known about him before but she helped ingrain his love into my heart. I used to worry a lot, if you knew me you would call me a hypochondriac. So one day I was at her house worrying as usual about something ridiculous I’m sure and I remember her telling me about heaven. I’ll never forget what she said “One day there will be no tears and you won’t be afraid about anything and we will be in heaven sliding down giraffes necks together”, what most people would think sound glorious basically freaked me out. All I could think about is my parents , friends and terrified I would not know who they were or see them again. And then I thought it would be weird to have no other emotion but happiness- my typical hypochondriac thoughts taking over again. But I will never forget that day we talked about Jesus and how his presence  was always a constant in my life.

Along my journey with God I have strayed  on many occasions only to come back pleading through tears for forgiveness, hoping for another chance to follow through with my original prayer. I have requested another chance at least a thousand different times in a thousand different ways. Often times I would beat myself up time and time again for being me, the same old me, the same old mistakes, the same old prayers. However as I have grown up I have started to see things differently, I see God differently. I realize that it’s not about me at all but more about what God has done for me and the way he sees me is beautiful.  I have found that God is less interested in me following rules and more interested in the intricate details of my heart.

The reason I say that is because undeservedly God still loves me after all my failed attempts at life and getting it right. I have found that he lives in me now more than ever and I still haven’t gotten things right. Funny that he can live in something in need of so much work. I feel like living in me would be like taking residence in a rickety home with cracked windows, ceilings, and floors. Yet he sees me as brand new with the finest granite and marble fit for a princess. Doesn’t that just sweep you off your feet? It does mine and I twirl in wonder of a magnificent God who adores me for who I am. I come to him with my plight and he forgives me, what a gift of grace.

As I fall in love with the Lord I find that obedience follows because I learn to trust his faithfulness and I know to the depths of me that his desire for me is good.  He shows me that  I’m meant to extend the same love to others he has given me and I’m also to accept the grace of his love each day by remembering what he did for me on the cross.

May you find his love present to you today, just as you are. May you feel loved completely today, just as you are.

XOXO

Nicole Renee