Friendships that GROW you

1 Thessalonians  Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Part of making my word confidence come true this year is defining boundaries with people. I have always prided myself on the fact that I had few friends but very good friendships. I work hard at making them work, always keeping in touch even though I’m always running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I have always cherished my friends like a sacred jewel, we each had our own connections and bonds that I thought would last a lifetime. But the thing is- things change and people change. I remember calling one of my best friends teary eyed and needing someone to lean on, I poured out my latest hardship to her and I was met with some surprising words “ I just can’t relate to you anymore, my life is different than yours”. I was in shock that she would even say that but as the years passed we drifted further and further apart. I don’t know if you have ever done this like me but I put that friendship on a pedestal. We had grown up together and I thought we would always be like two peas in a pod. I was really, really hurt about her lack of care for my life and what I was going through. We did live in different states, she had a marriage, two kids and stayed at home, I was a single, dating mom who worked 9-5; however I thought the bonds of friendship were stronger than any circumstance. I was wrong and it took me a long time to let go of hoping that we could laugh until our bellies ached and talk for hours about anything and everything. It seemed like we were breaking up as friends and it was almost worse than breaking up with a boyfriend because girls are just supposed to get one another. We are supposed to be like that safe haven when men just don’t get us and leave us to our complicated, sometimes bloated selves;).

But this whole experience of my friendship changing slowly yet unexpectedly has taught me a great deal about boundaries. I cherished my friends so much I often would not cherish myself enough. I got walked on, taken advantage of, or put on the back burner at times. I kept thinking to myself oh they will come around, they will come through for me, they are going through a hard time and the excuses rolled on. But I’m learning that some friendships should be seasons, some are around for the long haul  and some need to be relinquished so we can continue growing.  There needs to be a re-evaluating of the heart of what needs to change, remain the same or let go. There is always going to be rough patches, difficult times and that is life. But to live life being drained by friendships, feeling put down or out constantly is just not okay.  I’m learning this as I rediscover confidence, I want to be able to walk away from my hanging out with my friends feeling like I’m becoming a better person, encouraged, and heard. If you don’t feel that way than its time to put up some boundaries and for me that is taking the time to invest in new friendships, new seasons, and finding a better me.

XOXO Nicole Renee