Been a While

God is stretching me these days mostly in the empty spaces between my heart and heaven.  I’m searching for that ray of light that connects us, I’m searching for the answers but my questions are left lingering as I learn to trust. I have a confession more to myself than anything but I have lived my life so superficially. I have focused on the surface- when the going gets tough I distance myself and find the next petty thing to fulfill me. When God asks too much of me I turn away and pretend I didn’t hear his sweet whisper that wants so badly what is GOOD for me.

But my friends not this time, I have been through enough to know that it’s time to fully embrace Jesus like I have always wanted to but have been too chicken to do in all spheres of my life.  I’m so tired of being led by flesh, my need, and especially my feelings. The fleeting part of myself that is hot and cold, high and low. I don’t want to be deceived by my mood and let it determine the choices I make. Instead I want to choose to love or choose to live fully regardless of how I feel.  If I chose to live by how I feel I will be isolated because no one can meet my expectation,  if I choose to live by how I feel I will never get married because I’m afraid of getting hurt, if I choose to live how I feel than I will not be the mom I need to be because I will feel tired and weary.

My fuel, my decisions, my trust needs to fully rely on where God is leading me. The truth in the word, the silence in the night, the patience in the waiting room of life. If God is not moving I will wait, if God is nudging I will move, if God is opening up doors I will walk through them. Even when I’m terrified I will choose to rely on God and his goodness. I won’t turn to superficial desires to fill up my feelings, I will turn to the Lord to fill up my spirit.

God is teaching me to be discontent with the superficial and content with the spiritual and growing me out of my immaturity and I can’t wait to see what he has in store.

I've been MIA for far too long but God has had me in a season of growing that I can't wait to share!